Nothing Improves a person more than the motivation to show yourself that you are superior to the present version of yourself. Look in the mirror, find all the things wrong with yourself and then rub all those saddening imperfections in your own tired face. Sadness and happiness swing on the same spectrum and one can easily be swapped for another without your brain ever knowing.
For ages professionals have been touting the power of positive thinking but little do people know that bitter dismissive thoughts can actually make you happy if used correctly. Sometimes emotions like jealousy and envy can really motivate a person to strive further to “show everyone wrong”, people need to start showing themselves wrong.
Grab your looking glass and get your insults ready, it’s time to run yourself down and live it up!
The Bike Parking App is not here now but it will be!
Our popular car parking app helps auto driver’s find suitable parking anywhere in the city from traditional street parking to more non-traditional spaces like public beaches and green spaces. “If there is space to fit your car, we’ll find it” the Parking Doctors say. Users love the app and have been using their cars more and more to drive to the downtown core. The introduction of the new BIKE PARKING APP even caught the attention of the mayor and he thinks it could be a real gamechanger when he said, “it could be a real gamechanger”.
Some have said the new bike app will not use car spaces as viable bike spaces. “Anywhere a car can go, ten bikes can go, but anywhere a bike can go, ten cars can’t go! How can this possibly be fair?” said a local biker. In response to that we say "oh it'll be fair! It'll be fair all kinds!".
Parking Doctors Bike App is scheduled for release in March 2013.
We are THE NEW MIME. We don’t wear white face paint on our face. We don’t have berets or black and white striped shirts or stupid white gloves. We don’t take tiny steps when we walk. We don’t make an exaggerated “I don’t know” gesture when we encounter problems. We won’t get trapped in a mime box, be blown away by mime wind or peek around a mime wall to look at you. We WILL mime harder than any mime you’ve ever seen. You WILL hear us coming!
Neighbourhood renowned graffiti artist and social commentator Spanksy has hit again with one of his anti-authoritarian street art pieces (see photo on the left.) On his website, the mysterious Spanksy issued a statement about the piece, saying “I don’ like how the banks treat or’nary folk wat with the exorbitant fees an' such. So I made this piece ‘ere, called it ‘The Big Banks are Acting Like Theys Total Dicks’. It's a giant satirical weiner on an ATM.”
The Annex Business Improvement Association (ABIA) sent out a warning to restaurants and residents to be on the look out for Meat Hipsters. The warning stated that “Meat Hipsters will eat any part of an animal. It’s gross. They’ll suck the marrow from a cow bone. They’ll scoop the fleshy bits from a pig’s face. They’ll eat a deer.” There is evidence too that the Meat Hipsters’ thirst for new meats and new tastes is growing, and this has the ABIA worried. “I heard of one guy who ate his own shoe, after he’d braised it in a delicious Porter reduction with daikon and geoduck.”
Activist electronic music artist Synthica (Yom Gomson, The Healthy Hood) has released a new independent single entitled Not Ready for Heaven. The song reaches out to all babies, tots and pre-tweens dealing with obesity and the suicidal thoughts that can accompany being a fat baby. “Yo! TV shows, magazines, teachers, preachers, Youtube vids and even parents are telling tiny little kids to eat unhealthy food that’s not good for them,” says Gomson. “And I’m the only one telling these fat babies to put down that hamburger. No one else is. Stop eating that stuff, fat baby. You’re not ready for heaven.”
Not being appreciated in life does not mean you won’t be remembered fondly in death. Examples of “more popular in death" funerals are increasing with the rise of sensationalized celebrity deaths. The more unknowable and unattainable the person was in life, the more valid and tragic their death can be. This new trend is causing people to highlight distasteful things they did in life at their funerals. Many funeral homes are now providing “How well did you really know them?” type services. In this type of memorial, misdeeds and criminal offences are highlighted, secret 'second' families revealed, and past grievances are aired - allowing the survivors to truly understand the dangerous undercurrents and dark sides of recently passed friends and family. Response to this new trend has so far been mixed, but it is guaranteed that the deceased will leave a lasting impression on those left behind.
- Vlad Knowknee, Green to Grave
The CenTre has lost a treasured member of our community of Change-Makers.
During a complicated pond installation on Toronto’s waterfront yesterday, Aviary Pond silent founding member Yurt Yardling fell into the artificial pond and drowned. The pond was days away from completion and would have seen local waterfront birds use its pristine artificial waters instead of the polluted waters of Lake Ontario.
Mr.Yardling’s death has sparked some debate as to the validity of building ponds so close to real lakes.
No memorial services are scheduled, but donations can be made to the Aviary Pond. CenTre members Green to Grave will be handling Mr. Yurt's internment, which be "suitably aquatic", according to G2G owner Mike Noni.
Idle threat or follow-through nightmare? After a free screening of “What’s Your Brain Hiding?”, a new movie commissioned by CenTre tenants “Use Your Brain”, many members of the CenTre found themselves reliving repressed memories from their past. Some members cried while others threw up in bathrooms and hallways. “It was like waking up from a nightmare, but the nightmare was life, and it was MY life” said a person who didn’t want to be named. “Life just sucks now! It’s terrible! Why do I have to know all these things!?”. Another audience member was visibly shaken, “I can’t go back to before, there is only darkness now...”
“Use Your Brain” has since commissioned another film which they hope will help suppress the memories the first film uncovered. It goes into production next month.